Forever In My Heart
by Emerald-eyes
Summary: A year has passed since Tomoyo’s death. Sakura is far from normal and no one realizes what’s wrong, and when Syaoran says she can leave, she jumps at the chance. Wouldn’t you if you could escape your past?
1. Ripping away

Forever in my heart  
  
Disclaimer: don't own it, don't sue me  
  
Dedication: My Best Friend, you're inspiration and warmth knows no bounds  
  
The gang is all 15 and Sakura has transformed all the cards, Syaoran and she are in love and I have decided so is Eriol and Tomoyo so this story could turn quite serious. It's mostly from Sakura's P.O.V. I wrote this because in my opinion, sometimes Tomoyo seems like the only one who cares about the friendship and is normally in fic it's Sakura who dies and Tomoyo is left! How would Sakura feel? This is re-done and re-posted so..yeah  
  
--------------------------------------------***----------------------------- -----  
  
Forever in my heart  
  
By emerald eyes  
  
  
  
Tomoyo smiled as she dialled the familiar number and the ring tone sounded in her ear "moshi moshi, Sakura speaking?" answered a very tired sounding Sakura  
  
"Hey, want to go too the beach today?"  
  
"Sorry can't *sniff sniff* Tomoyo, not feeling we *cough cough* well."  
  
Tomoyo smiled and said "do you want me to come over? I'll bring Kero-Chan and you some cakes if you want? "CAKE" screamed a familiar voice  
  
"Shhh, Kero-Chan, settle down. Thanks Tomoyo, you'll get sick to!" "Well.get better ok!" and hung up the phone  
  
Sakura gave a small smile despite the way she was feeling; Tomoyo was so pleasant and happy sounding. She needed that, it helped. She lay down on her bed and drifted off into a deep dreamless sleep, unbeknownst to her, terror had just happened while she slept peacefully  
  
Sakura woke up too the sounds of her father's voice calling out, tears were in his eyes and he was as white as a sheet, "what's wrong father?" asked a still sleepy Sakura,  
  
"come with me Sakura" answered Fujitaka. Sakura got up and after getting changed she walked after him, they stopped at Tomoyo's home and Sakura kept asking "what's wrong" over and over till Fujitaka exploded "shut up Sakura! You'll find out soon enough" Sakura looked shocked and kept silent. They walked into the mansion and were greeted by a very distraught person, Tomoyo's mom. Her hair was flying everywhere and her mascara was running, her normally clear-of-emotions face showed, hurt, anger and grief?  
  
"Please follow me Sakura, I have too talk too you and your father" Sakura followed worried beyond belief.  
  
They sat down on the leather couch Daidouji Sonomi took one long look at her and burst into tears, she managed too choke out "Tomoyo...is hurt"  
  
Sakura was confused, "what do you mean Tomoyo's hurt, what's wrong?"  
  
Fujitaka answered "Sakura, Tomoyo was shopping and she was crossing the road and the traffic Light changed and the driver couldn't see her when she was picking up some buttons off the road and crashed into her and Tomoyo's in hospital, she might not make it, I'm so sorry"  
  
Denial pouring right out of her own and with a tight smile, she refused to accept the truth "your lying too me! She's not hurt, she's up in her room reading or doing something, or making a new dress!"  
  
Sakura ran up-stairs to Tomoyo's room begging someone...she wasn't sure who, to let this be a joke. She coughed and spluttered as the winding hallways effects took her down. She entered Tomoyo's room yelling "Tomoyo!! Where are you Tomoyo?"  
  
She threw open doors and checked in closets and finally she realized as she turned around, seeing her father with his arm around Sonomi comforting her "where is she? Tell me NOW!!"  
  
Sonomi weakly said "Sakura, she's in hospital, she died was in a car crash, her body guards were with her but they ran to the side except for one who tried to protect her and she died earlier this morning."  
  
Sakura knew that she wasn't lying by the look in her eyes, the look of such grief and horror said it all.  
  
Sakura's back was turned as she said in a low voice "Father, take me to her. I want to see her"  
  
Her father spoke up in protest but Sakura sharply turned to face him, the foggy wall of tears that clouded her vision threatening to spill over "Take me to her!!"  
  
In the Car Sakura stared wordlessly out into space, her friend was dying. She couldn't do anything, here she was, the most powerful magician in the world and she couldn't do a thing.  
  
She walked through the door of the hospital with her father and walked up to the front desk and asked the nurse at the desk "Which room is Tomoyo Daidouji in?"  
  
The nurse looked and clicked around the computer for a few minutes then looked at her for a minute and asked a question that had seen the start of many a tearful goodbye "are you a friend or relative?"  
  
Sakura spoke in monotone "I'm her cousin"  
  
The nurse stood up and came around to where Sakura was standing, she looked at Fujitaka and told him "one person at a time please"  
  
Fujitaka nodded and took his hand from his daughter's shoulder and the elderly nurse gestured for Sakura to follow her. Sakura wordlessly did and the nurse took her through to the Intensive Care Unit. She led her down a few more hallways and then stopped outside a room and she turned to face the young girl "you might not like what you see, please be quiet, don't yell or make any loud noise." Sakura dumbly nodded.  
  
Sakura opened the door and gasped before an image flashed into her head of her mother looking the exact same after the cancer took severe hold. Her mother with no hair and so pale...so so pale. Sakura being only four had not stopped or dulled any pain she had felt when she had seen her mother, now being 11 years older and wiser, it intensified as she saw Tomoyo with the distant humming of machines beating a pattern in her mind.  
  
She walked over to the bed and sat down gingerly as she stroked her friends beaten and bruised face. Tomoyo turned over, slightly awake, she mouthed something though the oxygen mask "S-sakura?"  
  
Sakura smiled "yes Tomoyo, it's me"  
  
Tomoyo struggled to put a sentence together though that barrier, that ironically was keeping her alive  
  
Sakura gasped as she put the sentence together. Her emerald eyes welled up with tears "you love me?" she pointed at herself as Tomoyo nodded.  
  
Sakura tearfully smiled and kissed her best friends cheek "I love you too"  
  
Tomoyo smiled as she grew colder in Sakura arms as she stroked her hand and finally, an new angel entered the gates of heaven.  
  
---------------------------------***----------------------------------  
  
A few months later came the funeral. Sakura stood in the pouring rain as she watched Tomoyo's light brown wooden casket being unloaded in the ground. Others tried to hold an umbrella but she refused as her salty tears mixed with the rain as it pounded heavily onto her head. Eriol threw a white magnolia, Tomoyo's favourite flower, into the ground as Sakura thought bitterly 'she'll never see it...what's the point?'  
  
A few weeks later, while she lay in her room, awake, terrified of going to sleep she could hear her father's hushed whispers about her with her brother "she won't sleep, she's terrified that she won't wake up. She clings to me whenever I leave for work begging me to stay, not to leave her. Her grades are dropping but she just doesn't care. I'm scared she'll do something stupid."  
  
Touya seemed just as afraid, sharing the same concerns about his little sister.  
  
Sakura heard their whispers and began to cry, they didn't know what she was going through. Kero awoke to his mistress's tears and he quickly flew over and began to stroke her hair "what's wrong Sakura?"  
  
She sniffed and looked at the little golden bear's concerned face. She thought dryly 'It's a shock he can pull that face' as she sighed and said "oh Kero...it's.."  
  
She paused for a minute thinking of a way to best explain her answer to this seemingly innocent question "...everything, every little thing seems to gnaw away at my sanity. When Tomoyo died, I swear to god, I felt a little piece of me of me die to"  
  
Kero nodded as he kept stroking her hair. Sakura continued speaking "Kero, Tomoyo died in my arms. Nobody knows that, it cut, it cut so deeply and it still hurts. Oh god Kero, it hurts so badly"  
  
Kero flew down to her eye level and began speaking words he desperately wanted her to listen to "Sakura, she's not gone."  
  
Sakura laughed bitterly "yes she is Kero, she died in my arms"  
  
Kero held up a paw to silence her and continued "She may be gone in body but her spirit remains forever within you. She's you're angel, you're extra special angel who looks out for you."  
  
Sakura looked at the bear "so I suppose she's not gone, she's not dead, she's my angel"  
  
"She's forever in my heart"  
  
A star twinkled brightly as she said these words, it twinkled with a light that made the other stars seem so dull and lifeless, it twinkled with a new found light. A new star and a new angel was born the night that Sakura said those words. 


	2. Family

Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it wouldn't be S+S if it was.catch my drift?  
  
Warning: flame if you need to, but be sweet please?  
  
Thanks to the Following and dedicated to: Cherry-Blossom-Sakura, Silver- MoonStar, Mon-Chi-Chi, PrincessPandora, Ophelia winters  
  
And a special note to Archangemon: Thanks for the comments! And I understand what your trying to say but I suppose I was sticking up for a friend and didn't really see it from your point of you, once again, I'm sorry oh and I think that little word I said shall remain a secret.  
  
Warning: a VERY ooc Sakura awaits you. Note the large VERY in that sentence.  
  
What happened last time on FIMH?  
  
Kero held up a paw to silence her and continued "She may be gone in body but her spirit remains forever within you. She's you're angel, you're extra special angel who looks out for you."  
  
Sakura looked at the bear "so I suppose she's not gone, she's not dead, she's my angel"  
  
"She's forever in my heart"  
  
A star twinkled brightly as she said these words, it twinkled with a light that made the other stars seem so dull and lifeless, it twinkled with a new found light. A new star and a new angel were born the night that Sakura said those words.  
  
-----*------  
  
Forever In My Heart Chapter Two: Family  
  
By Emerald-eyes  
  
Sakura stared blankly at the plate of food in front of her and looked at her father with eyes that almost said 'what do I do with this?' Her skinny body was painfully obvious in the school uniform and her ghostly white skin did not glow an innocent peach anymore. In fact, her skin haunted everyone with a fact many had just come to terms with.  
  
Tomoyo Daidouji was dead.  
  
Sakura was a devastated soul, filled with hatred towards god that many could never understand. They wondered why Sakura, the normally genki person that she had been, had suddenly become a silent, cold person, only displaying affection towards Syaoran. Many thought that Sakura had died in a way, Sakura agreed wholeheartedly with that notion. Syaoran had pulled her back so many times from that edge where she could make her death, instead of a dream, a reality. Once, he almost came too late. Still this thought haunted her that she could be free of pain and the ironic thing was she was pulled back by the person she could look into the eyes of and see only love. She couldn't understand why he loved her still, obviously memories kept them together and the fact he still believed he could bring the old Sakura back with a few simple words and a kiss on the cheek everyday.  
  
Her father looked old now; grey hair now replaced the former black and wrinkles around his eyes and mouth showed his age. Her brother Touya hadn't fared any better, though not elderly in looks, his soul was a loaded plate. He couldn't look at his little sister anymore and couldn't call her monster. He didn't talk to her anymore for the reason he once told his father "That's not my sister"  
  
Sakura didn't care, why should she?  
  
Sakura got up and walked over to her father, purely out of habit and leaned up on her toes. A simple peck was placed on her father's cheek and a simple "I love you" was muttered into his ear. She grabbed her bag and pulled on her school shoes. Rollerblading had become a thing of the past to Sakura; it was reminiscent of better times.with Tomoyo.  
  
She met up with Syaoran at the end of her street and he waved and smiled at her, she ran over and leaned up, ready to receive her kiss for the day. Syaoran leaned down from his height of 6ft and kissed the 5ft 9 Sakura on the cheek and the words "I love you" were announced to the world. The two walked with strained conversation sometimes and sometimes, not so strained conversation. That day was a strained conversation day as Sakura diminishing figure was brought into it.  
  
Syaoran gently poked her side "I can see your ribs Sakura"  
  
Sakura's almost genuine smile left her lips and was replaced with a tight lipped "so?"  
  
Syaoran sensed the annoyance in her voice but casually slipped his arm around her tiny waist and worriedly said "you've got to eat"  
  
Sakura leaned her head on his shoulder but apart from this display of affection, her voice showed real anger "I haven't been hungry lately. Just leave me alone about it.geez Syaoran. I've gained a couple of kilos."  
  
Syaoran brought her closer, if at all possible and growled "That's bullshit Sakura and you know it"  
  
Sakura just sighed and enjoyed being in his arms while she walked towards the high school building that they now attended. She looked around the empty school yard, not realizing just how quickly they had walked. Sakura was now always up early and she was hardly sleeping, obvious from the large purple bags that hung under her eyes. Sakura was afraid of the dreams that visited her in her sleep. Of Tomoyo, of the car crash and of how she could have perhaps save her.  
  
She sat on her favourite bench and Syaoran joined her and she again put her head on his shoulder as he cuddled her close, almost protecting her from the world. The world that had so cruelly dealt a fate for Sakura, a fate that many could not handle and Syaoran sometimes wondered wether or not Sakura could handle it to.  
  
Small groups of students started to trickle in though the front gates of the school and looked admiringly on at the couple, jealous looks were shared but a few pitied ones as well. They knew why Sakura had gotten as thin as she'd gotten, Anorexia was the rumour but sadness was the reality. Deep longing and grief were demons she couldn't handle.  
  
She needed a release.  
  
The bell rang signalling the long drudgery of school had just begun. She stood up, grabbing Syaoran's hand; she pulled him along to class. He soon caught up with her and placed an arm around her shoulders, protecting her from the masses. Sakura and Syaoran walked into their class and sat down at her normal place, Syaoran now arms reach from her side or hand.  
  
The teacher walked in and thumped his books down on the desk and sat down. The class began pulling things out when the teacher ordered them to stop "I have a special announcement"  
  
The class all turned to him and began listening to him "we have a new student"  
  
The class began whispering to each other excitedly; Syaoran just grabbed Sakura's hand. Each new student from grade school up had wanted something to do with her, cards or her herself. Each was evil and each was a test for Sakura, he could almost taste her fear.  
  
The teacher held up a hand to silence the class and yelled to the door "We're ready for you"  
  
It was almost ominous the way he said it, the way the class held its breath. The door slid open and a light skinned girl stepped in, Sakura's grasp came so tight Syaoran couldn't feel his hand. The girl smiled, her dark short purple hair was slightly messed up and her dark eyes had a sense of peace to them. She looked around and gave a small smile as her gaze rested on Sakura, Sakura could only look away. She turned her gaze to the class, who remembered Tomoyo so well and the girl had such a likeness. She began speaking in a soft voice "Ohayo everyone, my name is Nobara Mikado and I'm here to be an exchange student for a year"  
  
Sakura's hand was sweating even though the girl had no magical aura and was obviously no threat but he could see in her eyes. She was breaking. Gently he leaned over and whispered in her ear "don't do it Sakura"  
  
She nodded but her unbreaking gaze gave it away. The gaze between the Nobara and her became so intense that Sakura cracked. She got up and began to sob and pointed one finger at Nobara who was looking at Sakura with genuine surprise "You are NOT Tomoyo!! Stop LOOKING LIKE HER!!"  
  
She gathered her bag, tears pouring down her cheeks and she walked quickly to the door before she broke into a run and the last the class heard of her that day was the slam of a corridor door. Syaoran nodded at the teacher and began to run after her. He saw her limping towards the swings at Penguin Park before collapsing heavily on them, slumped over, her head in her hands. An outpouring of grief for Sakura was almost to much for Syaoran to bare as he ran over and kneeled down in front of her and she leaned forward so much, she fell into his arms and he stroked her back and she settled down to her knees crying heavily.  
  
Her sobs soon turned into sniffles as Syaoran looked at his watch. There was no point going back to school, they had been there for over an hour. "Sakura..?" he asked quietly  
  
"Hai Syaoran?" Sakura answered him back, still tightly woven in his arms  
  
Syaoran: "We're not going back to school are we?"  
  
Sakura: "Like hell we are! Of course not, I'm a wreck!"  
  
Syaoran "Sakura, my mother, she-"  
  
Sakura let a huge intake of breath come to her before she chokingly said "Please no.I'll go with you. Don't leave me."  
  
Syaoran: "Sakura, she wanted you and I to go back there for formal training"  
  
Sakura: "get out of here? When.now?"  
  
Syaoran: "in two weeks"  
  
Sakura: "I'm still not going back to school"  
  
Syaoran: "That's fine, but I have to stay with you"  
  
Sakura: "I'll come live with you"  
  
Syaoran gave her a simple "Hai" as and answer  
  
She almost smiled "I'm moving in today"  
  
He let her go and looked deeply into her eyes "of course you are"  
  
-----*-----  
  
"So you have everything?" Syaoran said as he stood holding with the convertible boot up that awaited all of her belongings. Which wasn't much, the Float card was helping along a little, taking all the heavy things and Sakura had the cards in a small black bag and Kero was grumbling about "the Baka kid" and having to live with him. Sakura had a small smile on her face underlying the true joy she hadn't felt in a very long time.  
  
She stretched out a little and when float card was finished its work, she lazily put up an out stretched hand and took the spirit into her hand. She whispered a "thankyou" to the cloud like spirit and it bowed quickly before transforming itself into a card like form. She put it into the small velveteen green bag where it could rest with its sisters. A resounding thud shook the car and Syaoran stepped in. He fastened his seatbelt with a click and turned the ignition the key. Changing the forest green car into reverse, he backed out of the driveway.  
  
Sakura watched the sakura trees pass her by, bare and cold with snow piled around the bottom of them. She pulled her school scarf tighter and a song played on the radio, causing her mind to drift away. Kero chattered nervously, skirting the subject of why he was going to live with the "Baka"  
  
She leaned her head on the side of the door and began to drift off a bit; she allowed her eyes to close and her breathing to be slow and regular. Syaoran looked over for a split second to glance upon the sleeping form of Sakura. Kero literally had to slap Syaoran away from his riviere to start driving. Though the streets were empty, Kero didn't particularly like trees and smacking into them was not something he particularly wanted to do.  
  
They wound through streets until Syaoran's apartment block came into view. Kero was already missing Sakura's bedroom and the warm scent of reminder of home. He missed his playstation and the pudding he would be served when Sakura bolted up the stairs and shovelled her dinner down the golden guardians through. He missed, perhaps most of all, the cute naive ten year old, which had so unknowingly accepted the role as the most powerful magician to live.  
  
Syaoran drove up into the underground car park for his building, the darkness enfolding them. He turned the car smoothly into a park and pulled the break and turned the key, the car shuddered into a standstill. He got out and went quickly over to Sakura's side, Kero fluttering above his shoulder. He opened the door and held it as Sakura got out.  
  
She patted her school skirt pocket, making sure her cards were still there and went round to the back, helping Syaoran with her tote bag. The walls, form what little light there was, were painted a salmon pink and the ground was black gravel. An elevator was about 5 parks away and Sakura looked around some more, nothing else was new to her. She'd been here a million times before, it just seemed different this time around.  
  
They entered the elevator, old and creaky with over-use. He pressed some buttons, top floor buttons and the couple felt the left shudder then smoothly go up. The silence in the elevator was a comfortable one. They went upwards for what seemed like an eternity before the lift shuddered to a standstill and opened its metal mouth. It let them out into a grey, depressing corridor with green railings that protected the person who leaned on them from falling to a death in a swimming pool. The ground floor also had a garden and a rusty metal playground and a large garden. The pool was Olympic sized and had tiles and a spot where rust was from what used to be a diving board. The corridor around them had concrete floor and grey walls. The doors were wooden, some painted, but some, like Syaoran's, were a deep mahogany with brass numbers.  
  
Syaoran brought out a jingling set of keys and opened the door, allowing Sakura in, then holding her bag over one shoulder, he came in too. She smiled at him, a small smile granted, but a smile and slid her arm around his waist "it's perfect"  
  
Syaoran smiled back, confusedly saying "you've been here a million times"  
  
Sakura leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed "it just seems.different this time around"  
  
He nodded and set her bag down and Kero flew out of the pocket, eye to eye with Syaoran, glaring almost as well as Syaoran could "now listen here baka, you two will NOT be sharing a bedroom. I trust Sakura but I do not trust you, no one TOUCHES Sakura. You will be sleeping on the couch and if I wake up to find you near her, I like my bakas extra crispy. "  
  
Kero emphasised his last point with a sharp poke in Syaoran's chest  
  
Sakura rolled her eyes and grabbed Kero away from a clearly agitated Syaoran and glared at him "I will sleep wherever I choose or whatever suits Syaoran best.got that? I like my stuffed animals nice and frozen.get the point?"  
  
Kero floated away, towards the open terrace and began to pout outside. Sakura affectionately sighed "he's a sweetie to be worried, but I trust you"  
  
She wrapped her arms around his neck "and for his information.and yours, I will be sleeping on the couch. I am not kicking you out of your own bed."  
  
Syaoran kissed the top of her nose and shook his head "I'll sleep on the couch, I don't mind."  
  
Sakura let go of him and shook her head fast "I'll sleep in Meilin's old room."  
  
Syaoran smirked and shook his head "no good, I took the bed out and sold it. Looks like I have to sleep on the couch"  
  
Sakura threw her hands up in the air and cried "for heavens sake, I've been going out with you since I was twelve! We're seventeen now, I think I can sleep in the same bed as you!"  
  
Syaoran blushed lightly and took her hands and began rubbing the insides of her palms "Do you trust me?"  
  
Sakura nodded and picked up her bag, and walked in the direction of his room. She yelled over her shoulder "Of course I do, but why anyone isn't asking me if they trust me?"  
  
He smirked and shook his head in amazement. He walked quickly after Sakura and entered his room. His large-ish room was very classy. It had polished wooden floors and high forest green walls. His bed was a large king, which Sakura was flopped out on now. It was piled high was silk pillows, white and green and he had a silk bed spread. It also had soft, white cotton sheets and a mahogany bed frame. He also had a fireplace, which, because of magic, never ever stopped unless commanded. His sword was on a holder above his bed and his lazin board was thrown lazily onto his desk, also mahogany. The ground had a oriental rug, just thrown on it, soft under his feet.  
  
She lay down next to Sakura and she snuggled closer to him, unknowingly, in her dream like state. He lazily closed his eyes and drifted off for what seemed like minutes before he was shaken awake by Sakura. He smiled and leaned up and kissed her before muttering "what a beautiful site to wake up too"  
  
She blushed and the smells of dinner wafted through the air. He propped himself up onto his elbows and sniffed the air "what smells good?"  
  
Sakura twisted her head and playfully nipped him on his nose "Soy chicken and friend rice, plus some chocolate cake for dessert. You were asleep for a while and decided, why not make dinner? And hell, while I'm at it, why not dessert?"  
  
Syaoran rose and looked down at himself "chocolate cake.you know me too well. Am I ok for dinner?"  
  
Sakura nodded, as she herself was wearing jeans and a loose peasant top that drifted to mid thigh "just casual.but if you want to change out of your uniform?"  
  
He nodded and she hurried out of the room, intent on finishing up the cake. When he came to the dinner table later, plated were piled high with chicken and rice. Soy and cutlery were placed next to three plates.three plates? He'd never had more then three at the table but knowing Kero, he'd have ten by the time the eating machine was finished. Speaking of the stuffed animal, the small guardian was already at the table, eyeing the plates with greed.  
  
As the group ate and drank that evening, all was well in the quiet town. The magic coming from that apartment was not magical; it was the magic of love and family. And as Sakura looked around her small 'family' she realized, that it was perfect. She was not hiding her magical side; in fact, allow it to be fully open by punishing Kero for insulting Syaoran. She could only dream what the Li household was going to be like, and as she crawled in next to Syaoran and wrapped her arms around him, she imagined it could only be perfect.  
  
-----*-----  
  
Wow, happy, sad and depressing. I like this one a lot. I'm also incredibly proud of myself. Since most of my fiction has been moved, I decided that I should embrace my anime love with a few one shots and this of course. Thankyou to those who inspired me to write this, it took me a while but I think, in my own opinion, it's worth it. Constructive Criticism is most heartily welcomed, flames are not welcomed. Nice reviews are given dances and mentioned, as are criticism. 


	3. Painful Goodbyes

Disclaimer: You know the drill; don't own any of this, blahdity-freakin- blah. I also don't own Starbucks, because if I did, I'd have a pool of chocolate frappachino flavoured water Thankyou and dedicated to: PrincessPandora, Ophelia Winters  
  
Notes about this chapter: Wow, I am bringing out the third chapter and this is important. Tomoyo is not coming back to life, she'll play a pretty big role in the story but she is not being re-born. I refuse to let this happen because I don't believe in it. I apologize for killing off such a nifty character but, it was important and is still. Now, this chapter has taken a bit of a leap in time. Two weeks have passed and it's almost time to leave but what will happen when she meets Yelen and Li sisters? Chaos and depression plus some self examination are sure to follow. Please continue on dearest reader and listen to my tale. -----*-----  
  
Forever in my Heart Chapter three: Painful Goodbyes  
  
By Emerald-eyes  
  
It had been two blissful weeks at the Li household or as Sakura now liked to call it, Home. Sakura had not remembered in the last two years when she had been so happy. She had not cried, was eating and was sleeping peacefully wrapped in Syaoran's arms. Sakura had called home and a tearful meeting with her father and brother cemented her decision to leave. As Sakura leaned against the balcony rail of the apartment, she stared at her home, the dark town of Tomedea and she looked up. She became entranced with a wild thought "no ones around and I want to fly"  
  
Normally, this thought was not so dangerous but of course, it had been a long time since she had last used the cards. She smiled at the thought of being the only one in the starlit sky. She finally decided "I'm going to do it"  
  
She crept inside and took one look the flashing numbers of the clock, next to Syaoran's bed. It blinked 2:30 over and over in a furious red light. She went over to the closet and selected her heaviest jacket and called fly to her from the velvet pouch in which the clow cards lay. The card lazily floated towards her and she quickly caught it in her hand and went outside to the balcony. The pale blue, thigh high, night dress flapped in the wind and she shivered, slipping the jacket on and bundling up. She brought fourth the staff and called fly.  
  
The playful spirit came out and moulded itself into wings for its master. Sakura stood on the rails, and with silky off-white wings attached to her back, she held out her arms, closed her eyes, and let herself fall. She came swooping back up, breathing heavily from exhilaration and a little fear. She shot up more till she was high above the apartment building.  
  
She saw everything in that sleepy little town and as she flew over to the radio tower, she saw her home and fresh tears spilled over. All the violence, all the pain she had been subjected to and here she was. Leaving, getting away. She longed for the security blanket that was her home, but her home had turned her away. She swooped again, diving and spinning, like some elegant bird. She pulled her jacket closer as she came towards the little step below the spire. She sat down and tucked her small legs towards her and put her heads on her knees. The small twinkling lights dancing for her in the velvet sky amused her for a while. She considered making it storm for a bit, practice her cards a little. She then remembered leaving them and swore a little under her breath. "Mistress, that's not normal for you" a cold and emotionless voice stated behind her  
  
She sat up quickly, frightened of the fall. Catching her breath, she whispered the moon angels name before her "Yue."  
  
He nodded and came towards her, almost like the angel was walking on water "what happened to you mistress? You stopped using them; I stopped needing to protect you"  
  
She called fly and grew her own wings and floated towards her guardian "I thought you'd left"  
  
Yue shrugged his shoulders "where would I go?"  
  
She nodded, a wind whipping past her legs "good point"  
  
Yue looked towards the greying sky "your leaving aren't you"  
  
The angel stated it more as a fact, rather then a question. Sakura was taken aback by the forwardness of her guardian "yes Yue-san, I am leaving"  
  
Yue looked at Sakura; his voice was small and childlike as he asked "am I coming?"  
  
Sakura looked down, letting herself dangle for a minute "if you want"  
  
Yue nodded and a tight, small smile made its way across the beautiful features of the moon angel "I would not mistress; I have taken to protecting the shrine and, Touya."  
  
Sakura nodded once and pulled herself upright and began flying away, she shouted over her shoulder "We leaving tomorrow if you would like to change your mind, Touya would miss you deeply, but do what you feel is best though"  
  
Yue floated back down to the shrine he called home, his face emotionless and cold but in his betraying ice blue eyes flickered with one small emotion, it was that of emotional pain. He was ripped between his love and his duty. 'Mistress, you do not need me anymore, but I feel.something towards you. Is this what Clow was talking about? Is this.respect?' The guardian was puzzled for one split second before the corners of his lips turned upwards 'I do understand now clow'  
  
So Sakura left Yue with his thoughts and left for home, the greying skies reminding her she had a long day ahead. She was leaving and she needed to say good-bye to a few things and people.all her friends, her family and there was one last thing she needed to be at peace with before she left. She darted on the rooftops, aware of the crisp chill that blanketed the sleepy town. She landed on her balcony and called back fly, she kissed the card and whispered her thanks before opening the sliding door. There was Syaoran, asleep, unaware of her night time flight and of her conversation with Yue.  
  
She put the cards and the jacket back into their respective places and crawled back underneath the sheet towards the warmth. She buried herself into Syaoran as he placed an arm around, unknowingly. She snuggled into his neck, her cold body meeting with his warm and closed her eyes, welcoming the emptiness of sleep. Unknown to her, Syaoran was awake and relieved she was home. Home to him, but what a shock it shall be when she does come to China with him, his sisters? They'd love her; they loved all the pictures they had found of her when he had come home to them and the teddy bear. His face blushed lightly at the thought of their reactions, but mother, he could never read her. He closed his eyes, not enjoying the same trouble free sleep as Sakura had.  
  
As the two woke up, tangled in each others arms the next morning, light poured upon the couple, bathing them both in a light glow. Syaoran stroked her arms "good morning Sakura"  
  
She mumbled into his neck, sleepily "morning Syaoran"  
  
She pulled herself away from the comfort and warmth that was Syaoran and yawned, stretching up her arms. She sleepily put a foot out of the bed, stifling a yawn. Syaoran picked up his watch from the cluttered beside table and muttered "to early.nine o clock? Definatly too early"  
  
Sakura stood and stumbled, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, towards the shower. Syaoran moved soon after, towards the kitchen. Soon the house was filled with the smells of breakfast and the sound of pounding water. Sakura allowed the water to pound onto her body as she scrubbed herself down, she turned off the water and stepped out. She grabbed a fluffy towel and wrapped it around herself. She tucked in the corner of the towel so she could move her arms freely and sat down at the marble bench top and picked up her hair dryer.  
  
After she was finished drying her hair, she walked out towards the cupboard and pulled out a dark denim skirt and a black, off the shoulder top. The top was decorated with white stitching in the shape of a butterfly. It fluttered from the right hand bottom corner, to the middle of her torso. She expertly did up her bra and slid on the top. She pulled on her favourite pair of underwear, a black pair of hot pants and then pulled on the skirt, fumbling with the buttons a little.  
  
She came out of the bedroom and blushed a little at Syaoran's appreciative whistle. She walked over to him, as he stood over the stove mucking around with the eggs and slid her arms round his waist. He was wearing the boxers she had given him for Christmas, a black pair and his tan, muscled, soccer player like legs suited them wonderfully and a slightly tight black cotton tee. She put her chin on his shoulder and stood there for a minute or two. She stood on her tip toes and kissed his cheek and took the spatula away from him and smiled, which she seemed to be doing more often, and pointed towards the shower.  
  
You didn't have to tell him twice.  
  
As Sakura placed the breakfast on the table, he came out of the bedroom, his hair messy and still wet. He was wearing an almost identical black tee, except it was three quarter sleeves. He also wore a dark denim pair of loose jeans. The tee had a design on the right sleeve, mystical and beautiful. It swirled its tendrils round his arm, ending at his elbow. The shirt had another shirt under it, which ended at his wrists, the white contrasting with the black beautifully. She smiled and kissed him again on the cheek, this time brighter, more alert.  
  
The two sat down and Sakura kept her head low as she announced "Syaoran, I'd like to be alone today up until lunch time, I have some" she paused, catching her thoughts before they tumbled out of her head, she restarted "some people to say good bye to, I hope you understand"  
  
The look in Sakura's eyes scared Syaoran. He knew what she wanted to do and who exactly she wanted to say good bye to, he raised his gaze from his plate to her eyes. "Sakura," he started "I understand, by all means, go do your own thing"  
  
The uncomfortable silence that followed was almost unbearable and Kero's shouts of "WHERE'S MY BACON?!" were a gladly received interruption.  
  
An hour later, Sakura shouted to whomever was listening "Im going now!! Meet me in the café, the one near the." she gulped and rearranged her plans "the one in the mall, hell, lets just do Starbucks ok? Im also taking your car"  
  
Syaoran's deep voice shouted back, from their small garden "sure thing Saku! I'll see you there at 12! The keys are next to the door, on the table"  
  
She pulled on some small, black kitten heels, grabbed the keys and was off, the door closing with a resounding thud. She took the elevator down, and ended up in the salmon basement, near the black convertible that Syaoran so highly prized. She clacked towards it, pausing at the door, wishing she didn't have to do this, wishing she could just run back to Syaoran and cuddle up in his arms. She opened the door and slid into the comfortable black leather in the driver's seat. She slid the keys smoothly into the ignitions and changed the gears. She drove quickly towards the entrance and went out into the autumn crispness.  
  
She shivered slightly, wishing she'd grabbed a jacket or a scarf or something to protect her from the cold. She drove along the desolate streets, void of people. All were at school she thought bitterly. She went by the flower shop, not knowing which flowers to pick, deciding on white magnolias, she smiled. She knew she remembered more then she gave herself credit for. She got a second bunch, much plainer, deep red roses. She pulled out into the streets again, continuing on.  
  
She pulled into a car park and turned off the ignition. She leaned back into her seat for a moment, going over her plan, weakly deciding, she had to do it, no matter how much it would hurt. She opened the door, locking the car as she shut it and walked out into the car park. She stepped onto a gravely path, one that wound its way around the graveyard.  
  
She wandered it for a while; the bunches of flowers almost crushed by her white knuckled grip. She stopped at a small, innocent grave. She placed the red roses down upon the grave and kneeled, the dewy grass meeting her knees. She stroked one finger down the name of the inhabitant and whispered "mother.are you listening?"  
  
She drew in a breath before continuing on "I hope you can, its rather important. Im leaving Tomedea tomorrow, I just felt I had to say my final good-byes. I know how you felt about this town, father used to tell me all the time. But, please understand, I don't love Tomedea, I can barley stand it here, so many painful memories. Also, I can't lose Syaoran again; I just couldn't get through life without him, so Im following him. Yes, it's a little old fashioned, granted, but I swear to god I love him. Good bye mother, please protect everyone and keep Tomoyo company. I love you so much, Im sorry I never got to really know you, stupid cancer.I'll meet you one day, I promise."  
  
She rose from the ground, a tear coursing down her cheeks. She understood the lack of tears; she had come to terms with her mother's death a long time ago. She began winding the path again till she stopped and saw the unmistakeable arch-angel Galadriel figure guarding the main reason she came here. She walked towards the beautiful grave; she kneeled down and adopted the same position she had when she was praying to her mother. She then took the older bunch of flowers and replaced them with her new fresh ones. Sakura couldn't bring herself to look at the name that was carved into the angel's base. She took a deep breath and used a tone, like she was sitting across from Tomoyo just talking "Good morning Tomoyo.It's been a while since I came here and Im sorry but it's been.hard. I miss you more then you could ever think but Im here to say my final goodbye, Im never ever coming back here, Im going to China with Syaoran. I just wanted to update you, and then I have to go and say good bye to Touchan and Oniichan. Eriol left by the way, it really hit him hard when you.left. I miss you, hell, I even love you like a sister. You're a guiding light and I know you'd possibly want me to do this. Thanks for always being there and Im sorry I couldn't be there for you"  
  
Sakura was suddenly plagued by an awful memory as she looked upon the magnolias again. She remembered Eriol throwing that single white magnolia in that deep, empty hole. She suddenly couldn't be there; no way in hell could she be there. And with a tight feeling over her chest, she sprinted out of that horrific place. She sat on the hood of the car as she dried her eyes for a moment and looked up. A single raindrop hit her closed eyes but suddenly, Sakura couldn't care less. She jogged quickly to the back and lifted the hood over the precious leather. She clambered in, winding up the windows. She lent against the steering wheel, knowing what she did next would possibly affect her decision to stay in this town.  
  
She fished out the keys out of her handbag and turned on the ignition. She drove the familiar streets towards her house with so many scenarios running through her mind. Would they turn her away? Would she be cast out? Would she be welcome with open arms? She could never know until she pulled up into that familiar driveway on that street of memories.  
  
----*------  
  
And with that, I close. Im actually pretty darn proud of myself for this chapter, shows what a lack of internet connection can do to a girl. I know it's been a while but I'll try my very hardest to go faster. This was finished in a month.wasn't it? I hope it was.Im a terribly slow writer. Also, Im looking for a beta reader, one that preferably reads Harry Potter as well? If not, that's fine, I have a tendency to write more CCS anyway. If you could email me, it would be most appreciated: hot_musturd2001@hotmail.com 


	4. Acceptance

Disclaimer: I do not own Cardcaptor Sakura, CLAMP or Nelvana. Or Playstation, for that matter. Hell, I don't own anything!

---*---

**Acceptance**

By Emerald-Eyes.

"Dear lord . . ."

Sakura looked at the front of her once happy home. Empty, cold, and with one sign in the front proclaiming everything Sakura wished she didn't need to hear. Moving, her brother and father were moving. Not only that, they were gone, the house was sold. Her initial disbelief was replaced with anger. How dare they not tell her? What had they done with the things she had left behind? 

She leaned back into the black leather of the car and put her face in her hands, trying to clear the image from her eyes. Her anger replaced with a deep hate of herself. She was barely seventeen, what force had picked her to be the brunt of one big cosmic joke? And with all the things in the world that hated the power she wielded, she was going to die one day bloodied and broken. She hadn't even gotten her high-school diploma! 

All this power and nothing to do with it, she played with the thought of burning Tomedea down and going to Hong Kong as planned. She started the engine immediately and drove away as fast as she could, not wanting anything to do with the stupid place ever again. 

When she out of the street, she pulled over and played with her mobile for a moment. She opened the address book and scrolled down to Syaoran's home phone, and pressed enter.

Immediately, his voice answered the phone, "Hello, Syaoran speaking." 

"Syaoran, scratch everything I said about saying goodbye to anyone, I want out of this godforsaken town. And I want to get out as soon as possible!" Her voice, to Sakura's surprise was scratchy, almost breaking. 

"Sakura, what's wrong? Where are you? Please, tell me you're not at some cliff somewhere!" His voice was so concerned, so beautiful but with an undertone of desperation. 

"I'm not at some cliff, I love you far too much to do that, but everything is wrong with this place. I'm booking a flight, I'll pay you back." Sakura's voice had well and truly broken by now, tears pouring out of her eyes. She wasn't sure why, she had hoped the tears would do something to fill the empty gaping hole.  

"Honey, where are you? I'll get a cab and come and drive us home and we'll talk about it there." His voice was filled with reassurance, her own source of strength. 

"No, the cab idea is silly and a waste of money. This town is tiny, and I'm meters away from the central, I'll just book a flight." Her mind was finally thinking clearly, clearer then it had been for a year. 

"I'm worried about you! You're not sounding fit to drive, you're crying! Let me come and get you, please?" He was pleading with her now, something Sakura could never resist, but she had to. She had to do this, but she wanted him there.

"I'll walk, and you'll meet me at the Traveller's Inn." Sakura rationalized, realizing he was truly worried about her.

"It's raining!" Sakura looked out the window at his proclamation, and remembered that it was, in fact, raining. She had to hand it to him, he could always argue with her, and he could nearly always win.   

"Alright, please hurry though; otherwise I just might change my mind. I'm on the end of Cherry Street; I'm parked near the street sign.." 

"I'll be there in twenty minutes." He sounded relieved and more then a little pleased. 

She switched off the phone and leaned her head back, suddenly extremely tired. 

--*--

She woke up to the sight of Syaoran tapping on her window, soaking wet. She opened the door and climbed onto the passenger seat and Syaoran leaned over to kiss her, she readily accepted and began crying and he wrapped his arms her. 

He murmured into her neck soothing words that did nothing for her. She fiercely looked into his eyes, "Syaoran, tell me, do you love me?" 

He looked at her with wary eyes, "I do Sakura.  . .but-" 

Sakura put a finger to his lips, "Then we're going. I need this; I'll train at your home with you." 

He turned the ignition on and they drove the short distance to their apartment, Sakura's widening eyes with tears in them were all that Syaoran needed to pull over. He grabbed her shoulders, "I do love you, but you're going to tell me a few things before I think about it. We're going home and we're going to talk." 

Sakura grabbed his hand and kissed it, then turned away leaning her head against the cold window, keeping a firm grip. 

They arrived at the apartment and Sakura went into the kitchen, and began making some hot chocolates, hearing the game-like noises coming from the living room as Kero played on Syaoran's Playstation; she took the hot chocolates to their bedroom and dragged Syaoran in. She lay down and Syaoran sat on the edge of the bed, she felt worried. Was he upset by her? 

She went up onto her knees and crawled over, and put her arms around his shoulders, "What's wrong?" 

Syaoran shook his head, "Why do you want to leave so badly? I have to leave anyway, but you have options. Do you really want to get this involved with my life?" 

Sakura crawled over by him, and sat cross-legged, him instinctively putting an arm around her, "Did you know that my father and brother left?" 

He pulled her up onto to his lap and hugged her, "I had no idea." 

She closed her eyes and was silent for a long moment then answered, "Neither did I." 

A shudder of realization went through Syaoran; he fiercely grabbed her shoulders and made her look at him, "They're not ashamed of you." 

She tipped her head to one side, her hair covering her face and she said in a quiet voice, "Yes they are." 

Syaoran felt strangely aggressive as he shouted at her, "They didn't run away from you!" 

Sakura kissed him, trying to shut him up, or so he guessed. He tried to pull away; he didn't want it to be that way, he didn't want to kiss her if she was that upset. He finally managed to get away from her by pushing her gently off his lap and he jumped away from her, "Don't do that ever again." 

She went back up onto her knees, a quiet fury in her voice "Am I that bad? You don't want me kissing you?" 

She brought her fists down onto the bed and screamed, "Fine then! Leave, don't ever come back! Do it all over again! I don't care!"

The room was silent for a long while as he looked at her in shock. How could such a small person be capable of such huge emotions?

She quietly turned away and whispered, "If you don't want me, who else will?" 

He put his knee tentatively onto the bed, Sakura looking at him as if she didn't see him; he came over to her and put his hands on her shoulders, "Of course I want you. I just don't want you when you're that upset." 

He nuzzled her shoulder, "It defeats the purpose." 

Sakura lay down, and turned to the side and closed her eyes, and Syaoran lay a hand on her hip, "We'll leave. Together." 

Sakura turned around, and kissed him fiercely, and he brought her close. They proceeded to lose themselves in each other, trying to forget just how much they really were leaving.

She leaned against his forehead when they were finished and smiled, "Thank you." 

He kissed her lightly and covered them with the duvet and they went to sleep.

--*--

But when Sakura dreamed, it was a beautiful experience. She was sitting cross-legged in the middle of a field, and Tomoyo was sitting beside her, also cross-legged, and they were meditating. Tomoyo opened an eye and looked over to Sakura, "Thanks." 

Sakura laughed, "For what?" 

Tomoyo gave a secret smile, "For accepting it, finally."

Tomoyo looked out to nothing thoughtfully, "I suppose it must've been quite hard. I didn't really notice it, especially after I got in and I saw my grandmother. But you're year, after everything, I thought you might crack. You had me worried. But you're good now. I hope. Syaoran's been keeping you safe which is good. Stop worrying though."

Sakura wore a bemused smile, "Worry about what?" 

She looked over to Sakura and gave a huge smile, "But I'm really okay." 

And then Sakura woke up. 

--*---

**END! Literally. **It's over, I'm serious. I made this to be a one-story thing, but it developed into chapters. I see no story-line forming so I'm making it into a quartet. This has ended. Thank you ALL for being so wonderful and understanding and just generally beautiful people. I love you. 


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